Pecker Inspector Badge
You love inspecting peckers.
This 2" X 3" metal badge can make you an official pecker inspector, which will enable you to inspect peckers without all the explaining.
Just show your badge and request that the gentlemen please present their peckers.
Threats of booking said gentlemen downtown for insubordination will hardly be necessary.
Flash it quickly, and your badge might even get you a free donut down at the cafe!